At some time in each of our lives, we will be in the unfortunate position of having to buy flowers for a funeral. It’s not a thing anyone wants to think about in advance, but it’s also not a thing that’s easy to think about if a loved one has just passed away, or if we’re trying to comfort someone who’s just lost a loved one.
Your florist will be able to help you select an arrangement that suits your tastes and budget. They’ll also be able to take care of delivering flowers to a funeral home or family home, so there’s one less thing you’ll have to do yourself.
That said, it’s helpful to have some idea about what you want going into your meeting with your florist. They can then help you to narrow down your choices. There are going to be a wide array of possibilities, which might come as a surprise. It’s important to remember, too, that you might be feeling overwhelmed and (understandably) less able to make decisions. To that end, we’re offering you what we hope will be some useful suggestions and considerations.
A Few Notes About Flower Etiquette
Before we start, note that there will be times when sending flowers isn’t appropriate. If a surviving family has asked that no flowers be sent, or that donations be made instead of flowers, follow their wishes.
This applies to whatever survivors you might be sending flowers to. Not every person will have surviving biological family. They might, however, have friends or community members who are deeply affected by their loss. We’re using the term “family” here to include a person’s chosen close contacts. If those close contacts have expressed any preferences about flowers, it’s equally important to respect them.
Also be mindful of cultural differences: flowers aren’t typically part of Jewish or Hindu funeral traditions and shouldn’t be sent. White flowers are acceptable to send to Buddhist families, but not red ones. If you’re in any doubt, ask a family member or someone at the funeral location for guidance.
What Flowers to Buy for a Grave
If there’s a type of flower that you know the deceased person liked, that will always be an appropriate gesture of remembrance to leave on their grave. You might also do some research into what flowers represent death. Many flowers represent some aspect of death and mourning, and taking the time to find out what these flowers symbolize will make your tribute that much more personal.
Forget-me-nots, for example, signify remembrance. They make for a beautiful posy or bouquet to leave at a graveside, particularly if someone has passed away in spring.
Gladiolas symbolize remembrance, as well as strength and integrity. Rosemary has historical ties to remembrance, as does the iconic poppy, which is especially appropriate if the deceased was involved in military service.
Irises can be left as a symbol of hope. Daffodils are also symbols of hope as well as rebirth, as are hyacinths. Hyacinths represent sorrow, and can also indicate regret. Colour plays a role in each flower’s meaning, so if there’s a flower you feel drawn to, read up on its colour symbolism, too.
Practical Considerations
When making a choice about graveside flowers, take some practical considerations into account. The biggest consideration will be cemetery policies. Each individual cemetery will have its own rules about what kinds of arrangements can be left and for how long. Contact the cemetery and find out if there are any restrictions on what you can bring.
You can purchase flowers for a gravesite at any time: for a funeral, to commemorate someone’s passing or at special times of the year, like birthdays, holidays or anniversaries. Given that you might be purchasing flowers at any time of the year, pay some attention to weather and location in order to keep your flowers fresher longer. Chrysanthemums, orchids and carnations, for example, fare better in the heat than many other species.
If you’re choosing flowers for the grave of a person who’s recently passed, pay special attention to etiquette. As a rule, the closer a person is the larger arrangement it’s acceptable to send. This doesn’t mean that if you’ve lost someone very close to you that you need to spend more than you can afford on flowers, but it’s something to consider if you’re a more distant family friend or a co-worker.
What Flowers to Buy for Condolences
Condolence flowers are typically sent to the bereaved either immediately or at some point before the funeral, although there are no rules around timing. Funerals often come together very quickly and you might learn of someone’s passing after the funeral has already taken place. In that case, it’s still appropriate to send sympathy flowers to those closest to the deceased.
Be Practical
If you’re sending flowers to the deceased’s family, bouquets and small arrangements are the most common. Remember that the family might be receiving a great many floral arrangements, so try to choose low-fragrance arrangements that won’t overwhelm a space.
It’s also a good idea to stay away from flowers with a short vase life, or those that need extra maintenance. Nobody is going to want to do extra work to keep flowers looking nice at this time. Calla lilies and gardenias, for example, are beautiful to look at, but they wilt much faster than lisianthus or alstroemeria.
Stay Personal
Consider not just the personality of the person who’s passed, but of the people who survive them. These flowers might be surrounding the bereaved at one of the hardest moments of their lives, so flowers that you know they enjoy will offer them a little bright spot at a dark time.
If you know the bereaved, try to get a sense of how they’re coping before you send your flowers. Some people will be looking for some extra cheer, and a tasteful vase of daisies or sunflowers might lift their spirits. Depending on the preferences of the bereaved, though, a simple arrangement of white roses might be most appreciated. Colourful flowers might be just the thing to help the family heal, but in all cases, steer away from anything festive.
If you don’t know the family well, stay conservative in your choices. Long-lasting flowers in white or a soft palette will be your safest bet. Or if you prefer, a dish of plants can also be a lovely gesture of condolence that will still be green after the other cut arrangements have died away.
What Flowers to Get for Casket Sprays
A casket spray should be purchased by the immediate family. This is the most intimate funeral flower arrangement, so the immediate family should be the ones to make the decision about what flowers to display here.
They’re also the largest floral display, covering half to three-quarters of the casket. With that much space to cover, it’s typical to use less expensive flowers like carnations as a base and to mix in more personalized flower choices. Orchids can be paired with dark greenery, for example, or ranunculus mixed in among roses.
Casket sprays don’t need to be white, although white is common. Flowers for caskets can be selected according to the season, or in the spirit of an upcoming holiday. More than any other funeral arrangement, though, the casket spray should reflect the life and the tastes of the person who’s passed away.
A monochromatic arrangement in a deep or a soft colour is an elegant choice. Don’t be afraid to ask for a bolder casket spray in brighter colours if it feels right, though. If the person who’s passed was a person who lived out loud, vibrant tropical colours might better suit their personality than something subdued.
If they had their own garden and loved to be in it, cottage garden favourites like snapdragons or sweet peas make a lovely send-off. For some, wildflowers will seem like the most fitting tribute. For others, something cheerful like gerberas or sunflowers will be the right flower for them.
The casket spray can be paired with garlands or a floral casket pillow if you wish to surround your loved one in flowers. If you’re the one purchasing flowers for a casket, trust your judgement and tailor the arrangement so that it expresses how you best remember the person who’s passed.
What Are the Nicest Funeral Flower Arrangements?
The nicest funeral flower arrangements are going to be the ones that speak to the life the individual led and to the spirit of the celebration.
When buying flower arrangements for a funeral, you could choose a spray, a wreath, a basket or a shaped arrangement. These arrangements will typically be displayed during the funeral and are sent to the funeral home directly. They can also be sent directly to a place of worship or to a cemetery, if the funeral involves a graveside ceremony only.
A standing spray is an arrangement that will be placed on an easel or stand. These are high-impact, formal arrangements usually sent by family, co-workers, employers or close acquaintances. Shaped arrangements often take the form of a cross or a heart, although your florist may be able to create something custom. The cross is suitable for Christian funerals, as the cross symbolizes faith in the Christian religion. The heart symbolizes love.
Wreaths, crosses, hearts and standing sprays will last only a few days, and can feature any number of flowers. They can be all white, but they don’t necessarily have to be. If you’re not sure what flowers or colour palette would be most appropriate, trust your florist to design something beautiful and tasteful.
You can also stay simple with a bouquet or a smaller arrangement. Even simple bouquets can be sent to the funeral home or place of worship, in addition to the home of the bereaved family. As with graveside flowers, the size of the arrangement should depend on how close you were to the deceased.
What Are the Best Memorial Flowers to Get?
Memorializing someone through flowers is an opportunity to choose something uniquely personal for the deceased, but if you’re not confident making that personal choice, or if you didn’t know the deceased well, don’t be daunted. The following common memorial flowers will always be a safe bet.
Lilies are probably the most classic choice when it comes to deciding what flowers to buy for a death. These beautiful flowers represent peace and purity, as well as spiritual rebirth. They can be quite fragrant. Ask your florist to help you choose a variety that won’t affect those who are sensitive to smell.
Chrysanthemums are also a common choice for a memorial flower. In many countries these flowers are deeply associated with mourning and grief. In North America, they’re often used in get well bouquets and therefore carry connotations of healing and good wishes.
Carnations represent love, generally speaking, and make a beautiful and long-lasting memorial flower. Many funeral arrangements will contain them, and they’re suitable for anybody to send. Choosing the colour carefully will deepen the message you send. White represents sympathy, red is more for strong love or deep loss and pink represents regard.
Roses are a deeply symbolic choice of flower. White roses represent peace, innocence and sympathy, while red roses symbolize the more emotional side of death – grief and loss. Yellow roses are appropriate for friends to send, since they symbolize friendship. Pink roses represent gratitude and are appropriate for any friend, family or colleague to send. If you’re at all in doubt, stick to white.
Potted Flowers
Orchids, though pricey, are popular as memorial flowers. When sent as a potted gift, they’ll let the bereaved bring a living memory home with them. That can turn this gift into an extra source of comfort. They aren’t the easiest plants to take care of, but if someone in the family has a green thumb, they can add beauty to their home for a long time to come.
If you like the idea of a gift plant, think about a peace lily. Peace lilies represent peace, of course, as well as purity and innocence. They’re often thought to symbolize the rebirth of the soul. They’re not fragrant like lilies are, and they’re very low-maintenance plants. They’re a living gesture of sympathy that’s not fussy and won’t give anybody extra work.
Potted hydrangeas are also beautiful memorial flowers that can be planted afterwards. Their soft, cheering colours and long-lasting flowers lend some brightness to the family’s home. If the family has garden space, these make lovely tributes that will bloom year after year.
Takeaway
Flowers give us the rare opportunity to offer comfort to someone who’s grieving without saying a word. Flowers show loved ones that we care about them and that we honoured the person who’s passed away. They convey that we want to celebrate that person’s life with beauty and grace. Sending flowers is a heartfelt tribute to someone we’ve lost; a timeless gesture of remembrance that can lighten the grief of a sorrowful time.
We hope that knowing a bit about your options for funeral flowers, and about the kinds of flowers that are most appropriate to send, makes choosing flowers a little bit easier for you when the time comes.
Feature image: Caroline Attwood; Image 1: Pixabay; Image 2: Flora Westbrook
