We will never be so fortunate as to only give flowers for happy occasions. With all of our ups and downs, there will undoubtedly be a time when someone you know struggles with misfortune and you wonder whether and how to send flowers for it. To that end, we offer this advice on giving flowers at a difficult time.
When Are Flowers Appropriate?
Flowers are as good at comforting people as they are at making a lovely time lovelier. So as flower givers, we can take comfort knowing there’s almost never a bad time to send them. One exception to this is when cultural traditions come into play. It wouldn’t be acceptable, for example, to send flowers for a Jewish funeral. If there are cultural differences you’re not completely familiar with, do a bit of research and/or ask someone who knows.
Flowers can be a much needed pick me up after a romantic break up, when someone’s ill or if someone’s lost a job. Whether flowers are appropriate really depends on context here. If your friend was fired from their part-time cashier job after two weeks because they refused to wear a shirt to work, that might not require flowers. The end of your friend’s two-week-long relationship might, though, if they’re really bummed about it.
A divorce or a serious break up, or the loss of a long-term position, are good reasons to send flowers. You might also consider flowers when someone’s received a life-changing diagnosis or when something in their life has shifted for the worse.
You needn’t wait for a sudden life event to send flowers, though. Flowers can be especially appreciated when someone’s going through a long-term struggle. Someone might be undergoing chronic illness or long-term stress. They might be battling depression and finding their way back to health through medications, ECT therapy or other treatments. Flowers are a gesture of support that reminds people that you’re with them all the way.
Of course there are major life events when sending flowers isn’t just thoughtful; it’s customary. When someone is sick or hospitalized, or when a family member of theirs is sick or hospitalized, sending flowers to a hospital room is standard. Depending on religious tradition, sending flowers for a funeral could be expected.
Who Should Send Flowers at What Difficult Times?
Flowers are an expression of sympathy in difficult times, so in theory, anyone could send flowers for any occasion. In practice, however, the person you’re sending flowers to is likely undergoing serious stress, so think carefully about whether a gift from you will increase that person’s stress in some way. Focus on their needs—if there’s a slight chance your gift will add stress to the mix, don’t send it.
When someone is going through a bad break-up or divorce, flowers that come from family, platonic friends or even coworkers are a nice, supportive gesture. Flowers that come from someone who might have a romantic interest (now or in the future) can come across as predatory and gross.
Flowers for someone who’s sick or hospitalized can come from family, friends, coworkers, a live in caregiver, or anyone who just wants to offer support. If someone is undergoing a long-term struggle, flowers from family or friends are likely to be welcome. Coworkers should give flowers careful consideration in this context—the recipient might feel like people noticing their struggle means they’ve been less effective at their work.
When someone’s lost a job, it’s better that flowers come from family or friends and not from (now ex-) colleagues. Flowers from ex-colleagues could make a person feel worse about having lost their position or could even feel patronizing.
What Flowers to Give
We always suggest that the best flowers to send are the ones your recipient likes best. We recognize, however, that if you don’t know, this isn’t the best time to ask. Here, then, are some general guidelines and some specific options.
In difficult times, send flowers that are long lasting, rather than those that are most striking. Carnations, alstroemeria, freesia, dahlias or chrysanthemums all have a long vase life. The recipient will appreciate having these flowers to cheer them for a while before having to send them to the compost.
Avoid flowers with romantic overtones when sending them to someone who’s going through a break up or divorce. Lavender, wildflowers, sunflowers, sweet peas and gerberas have fewer associations with romance. Don’t send roses of any colour.
When sending flowers for someone who’s ill but likely to recover, think colourful arrangements. Daffodils, tulips and zinnia are bright and easy on allergies. If the outlook isn’t favourable, tone it down and send an arrangement that’s more subdued. Your flowers will do their job best if they’re in keeping with the mood in the room. Choose arrangements in pale shades of pink, lavenders and apricots. White flowers signify death, so avoid an all-white arrangement in this context.
A gift plant can be an especially nice gesture for someone who’s grieving. It’s a subtle introduction of life back into a home that might have been really overwhelmed with death. Think snake plant, cacti, echeveria or other succulents—the lower maintenance, the better.
A Note on Cards
It’s a terrible feeling being presented with a card to sign by your florist and staring blankly at it because no words will come. Consider what you want to say before you phone or visit your florist so you don’t feel the panic of having to come up with something perfect in the moment.
If you know the person you’re sending flowers to well, a more personalized card is appropriate, but it should also be brief. Don’t go in for humour unless you know exactly, without a shred of doubt, that it will play well.
A card to an acquaintance, distant relative or co-worker should avoid being too personal. Keep it short, simple and on point. It’s much better that your card be forgotten than that it be remembered for how awkward it was. If you’re working with a florist, ask them for suggestions—they’ll be able to find something that feels right to you. If you’re on your own, stick to such classics as “Thinking of You.”
We hope you never have to have practical experience giving flowers at a difficult time, but if you do, we hope this guide makes it easier for you. In the event that you can’t find a good florist nearby, or you’re on a budget and you don’t want to fork over the cash, 3 Floral Design Techniques for Everyday Use can teach you how to make an attractive floral arrangement yourself with flowers from your own garden or flowerbed.
Feature image: Marta Dzedyshko; Image 1: Meru Bi
